Emo's Room

I knew this week would be strange because it was short but I had no idea what it was really going to be like. 

 

It all started with Tuesday. I made a run to Goodyear because I knew something was wrong with my front driver's tire. Yeah, the coils were apparently coming through the rubber so I needed a new tire. And as everyone knows, you get tires in pairs for easier driving. Well, my tires are about $200 a pop. I couldn't afford $400 a few days before payday. (I hate being poor.) I got one and said I'd be back after Friday. (I plan to go back Monday.) But guess what?! I really need 4 tires so that just means I'll go back sometime by the end of the month. I could do the remaining 3 now but I don't want to hold my breath that nothing else happens between now and July. I like to have a bit of a safety net if possible. I attempted selling some cels but the prices are in the gutter so that didn't really work. Oh well, eventually I'll make my million and not be poor anymore.

 

On to Wednesday and straight into a meeting about my future. I knew it was coming and I was dreading it. I always dread those kind of meetings at work because I have to lie. They force me to lie. I hate lying. Don't get me wrong. I love my job but my real future plans have nothing to do with that. I got the "where will you be in 5 years" question. OMG, I apparently rattled off a good answer because my boss wound up talking to me about it and everyone else I work for/with the rest of the week.  But it was a lie. Where do I really see myself in 5 years? Rich, married with a child and 2 dogs living near the beach with a swimming pool in my backyard and a boat at my beck and call for when I want to go visit my brother. I have a rich fanasty life.  This is not something however you can tell your boss. My former boss has inadvertly started me down the path though. I'm working on something with the Discovery Channel and Hasbro. It's awesome to be involved no matter how small a role I may be playing. But I'm jumping to Thursday.

 

So on to Thursday we go.  This is when I found out about the exciting new adventure. Of course, it must be completed with my normal load of work, which has now doubled because in the 24 hours since having my "one on one" with my boss, she has begun coming up with deadlines for me to meet so I can acheive my future goals. What the hell did I say again?  The first deadline is June 20th. Well, I guess it's really June 19th since June 20th is too late. So after consulting my former boss, I have a new deadline of June 12th. I'm taking a mini vacation the following week. Oh joy! I needed my deadline upped. This is also when I found out the project I've been working on is going into it's first stage in July. I had to show my progress. Everyone seems happy about it but can I up my quota from 6 to 10 per week? Uh, sure. I don't need to go to the bathroom or get a drink or anything during my 8 hours. Seriously, give me all the equipment at home and I'll bust it out in no time flat. Yeah, but they won't do that.

 

Friday rolls around and I find myself back in my doctor's office getting 30+ poison shots again. It's not really poison. It's some kind of medicine but I like calling it poison. It makes me very cold and tired for around 24 hours afterwards. Most people suffer from flu-like symptoms for up to 48 hours afterwards so at least I can be thankful for not feeling that way. Of course, my leg kills me for at least 2 days after as well. Bruises are everywhere. It'll all be awesome when it's over. I just have to wait until then. But off to work I go like the little trooper I am and smack into my old friend. Eh, it didn't really bother me because I saw her long before she saw me. It just cracked me up how she still acts around me. The mutal person she was talking to and I needed to talk to was darting her eyes back and forth like a war was going to break out right in front of her. I almost started laughing but that quickly went sour by the time I returned to my desk. I learned a friend of mine had died this week. His twin brother will not go into details as to how or even exactly when. I believe his quote is "He's dead so just let him rest in peace." I can understand him being upset but he's not the only one. Maybe later on he'll let us know what happened because friends need to heal too.

 

So now next week scares me. It's starting with Goodyear and ending with a doctor's visit. I hope the inbetween aren't as crazy or difficult. I know there will be a lot of financial happenings during the week. Our stock is doing some weird changes so everyone who owns any has some serious desicions to make in the next month. I think I know what I'm going to do but first I must have a meeting with a certain someone who has never steered me wrong and will always side with me. But first, I'm going back to my comfort food game - Jak 2.

I hate days when I feel nostalgic. I don't have a problem remembering things but there are some things best left in the past. All day I feel like I've been dwelling in the past.

 

It all actually started Friday night. I was chatting with my friend Tony. We were talking the typical talk of anime, games, you know, stuff. He was asking me how I was feeling since I'm still going through some rather painful procedures on my leg. And I told him the truth - tired. Somehow that launched into my highschool reunion later this summer. I started telling him how I don't want to go but I promised my best friend from that high school that I would go if she wanted to go. (I'm really hoping that she doesn't want to go.) Tony was saying how I should go because how often do you ever get to reunite with people from your past. He even asked me if I'd been to any reunions before this one. I had and it seriously makes me not want to go to this one. When pressed, I simply stated, "Because a guy and I made a pact to meet up at that reunion and he didn't show. I was heartbroken and cursing his name all night. Well, that is until I was told he was killed in a car accident several years earlier so I guess he had a good excuse."

 

That of course launched the discussion of young people dying and getting diseases. Yeah, we had a great talk that night.  I even told him how a guy I dated in college had a stroke at age 21. I cursed him too because he stood me up and didn't return my phone calls. Six months later when I ran into him, I was so cold. He literally had to grab my arm to get me to stop to talk to him. I was such a horrible person back then. But why would my mind go there? Young people don't get strokes.

 

So after very little sleep, I got up to go face my dog's mortality at the vet. It was just a regular checkup but we started talking about future plans for when it becomes his time. He's 14 with a heart condition so every day is precious. We got home and I became completely bummed. I guess I can't blame myself. It had been a rather trying 12 hours.

 

Perfect idea! I'll get lost in an anime I'm currently addicted to, Nana. Even though I didn't feel like watching anime, I forced myself to. I didn't actually feel like doing anything. I started to enjoy the episodes but they are a drama so some were harder to watch than others. After watching 10, yes 10 episodes, I forced myself to take a break. I laid down on my bed with my senior yearbook. Worst mistake ever! The final pages are in rememberance of two girls who died that year. I didn't know one but I said goodbye to the other one about an hour before she died. At least I can say I said goodbye.

 

I'm really hoping I get a good night sleep tonight and shake myself out of this nostalgia. I hate it! It's making me feel like I didn't have any fun as a youth. I did! But when I get like this, I only see the bad things. This has locked in my decision of I don't want to go to my reunion. But because I try to be a good friend, I won't break my promise. If my friend wants to go, I'll be there with a smile on but probably crying inside.

I swear I'll write something interesting soon.  I've been extremely swamped lately.  And in those spare minutes I have, I just . . . Wait a minute!  I don't have any spare minutes. 

 

Actually, I've been tired a lot lately.  Right now, I'm blaming my medication and recovery from my leg surgery.  It was a necessary evil.  One that I'm happy I'm finally doing.  There's just that part of me wishing I'd done it 5 years ago when I was told to.  Maybe I would have had more energy.  Nah!  I just wouldn't be swamped with everything else at that time.

 

I really want to get back into my life again.  I love gaming and anime but I really haven't done much of either recently.  I've been too tired to read subtitles and the lack of focus affects gaming too.  And then when I have the spare time, I have an online friend "needing" attention.  He's really sweet but I have to face reality now.  The honeymoon is over.  I enjoy playing the online game that we play together but I can't commit to playing every weekend night.  I want to do other things.  I want variety in my schedule.  I'm someone who hates schedules and wants to just go with the flow.  My style is being totally cramped.  So this Sunday I was bad . . . kind of.  I was playing online with my friend.  He was in a foul mood carried over from the night before.  I heard all about it and tried to cheer him up by saying "let's go kill some stuff".  Well, it seemed to cheer him up but then again I could tell he still wasn't himself.  I wanted offline.  He so wasn't playing like his normal self.

 

The next night I hop online to play because it's his birthday.  I can't skip out on this night.  It turns out the following night was his birthday - long story.  Well, since I'm there, I might as well play.  The foul mood was pissing me off though.  My partner was running all over the place forgetting he had a partner basically.  I got mad the night before at some kid who was 5 levels lower than they should be in a zone where I was leveled correctly and having a hard enough time surviving.  The kid gets kills because he was too low but my partner revives him.  And the kid continued to follow us - stealing my kills, reaping benefits from our work, etc.  I'd had enough.  I said when he dies leave him alone.  That way he wouldn't be following us around.  I get scalded at for being mean.  WTF?!  We wound up dying ourselves.  When we are sent back to heal, we lost the kid for good.  I was happy about that.

 

So now I'm still angry about that the next night.  But this night is different because I have bad weather and am having a hard time staying online to play.  My guess is the weather was interferring with my cable.  It happens.  I turned on the tv to find out what was going on when the EAS screamed across my screen.  There was a tornado warning in my area.  Perfect!  I used that as my excuse to hop offline.  It wasn't for my county.  It was a neighboring one but I still needed to be watchful.  I felt a little bad for doing it but I love finishing Zombie Loan.  I loved doing something different.  And I loved not hanging out with someone who was angry.

 

I wound up making a promise to myself that I'll share online.  I promise I won't allow myself to get in a rut like that again.  I promise to not hop online to play a game because someone else wants me to but I don't feel like it.  I promise to complete some things I've been meaning to do to make me feel better and not because someone is waiting or wanting me to.  I promise that I am going to come first because that's what I need.

 

Sometimes guys can bring out the traits I hate most in myself.  Other times they don't.  I need to hang with more of them that don't. 

But I'm getting there.    I've sort of neglected this site lately. Well, I've sort of neglected all of my sites lately. I've been extremely busy at work so I'm rarely in front of my computer at home unless it's to check on work or other business related items. I totally need some down time. I've neglected most of my games and books because I've been so exhausted. Not exhausted because I don't have enough iron in my diet. Exhausted in that I worked so much at work I can't focus my eyes and I've been doing my stretching exercises so I'm physically tired too.

 

However, there's good news! In one week, I'm on vacation. Of course, that just means more running around because when do I ever get to just chill on vacation? It's the fun kind of running around though. I'm going to get to go to museums and exhibits I've been wanting to go to for a while but haven't. My parents are coming into town so I get to chauffer them around. Well, that is until the day of my surgery when they'll be doing the driving. But since I'll be doing all the sitting and laying around then I might have some time to read and play handheld games.    We'll see.

 

Somehow though, I have done a little. I just finished volume 7 of Fushigi Yuugi Genbu. OMG! Probably the best volume yet!  I'm not even into the fighting scenes but . . . WOW!    I'm a fan of the romance but then again I know already how that's going to turn out.    I can't believe I didn't have it listed in my "books I'm reading". Yet, I'm a person that easily has 20 books with bookmarks in them so it could be missed as not everything I'm reading goes on that list.    Okay sick minds, do you really want to know what nutrituional diet book I'm reading now? It's called The Glucose Revolution. Happy?    And I just finished reading The Low-Blood Sugar Handbook.  Why? Because I like to read these kinds of books sometimes.

 

I've been playing my DS a lot. Of course, I haven't been playing TWEWY like I should be. I'm on Day 7 with Joshua there so I have advanced some. I just don't want it to end. I need to just stop goofing off and finish. I have one more week after that day before I get to start all over again, which I will. I've been playing MillionHeir, which I didn't list in my now playing list. Why? Because I didn't.    I'm so addicted to Big Fish games. I blame my friend Jenny. She hooked me on them a little over a year ago. I haven't looked back. In fact, this weekend she gave me Ravenhearst 2. OMG! I loved Ravenhearst so much so I can't wait to hear the rest of the story.

 

Sadly, my PSP, PS2 and GBA have all been on vacation. It's been almost a month for all 3 to have not even been turned on. I was using my PSP to watch anime so I've slacked on finishing a certain series there. It's okay. I only have 25 episodes more to go. And then specials and OVAs and whatever else they want to throw at me to make it take me even longer to finish a series I currently rate as a 6 out of 10. I've never been the type to be able to sit and watch people play a game like chess let alone be able to sit still long enough to finish playing a "real match" myself. I get bored easily. So Hikaru no Go is a cute show but not my thing. Now, Death Note is a series I like to say is like watching a chess match and I love it so maybe I should amend myself. Watching Death Note is like watching wizard's chess . . . much more exciting.    It gets a 10 out of 10 from me but that's another story for another blog.

I'm getting into Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories for real. I loaded up my cure cards because well, I didn't have that many in my deck. Those I had were preminum cards. So if I expected to beat Riku, I do need to be able to heal myself. If only I'd realized that earlier, I would have only had to fight him once.    Ah well, I don't mind screen time with Riku even if it isn't the true Riku. He still looks and sounds the same. Although, it was quite weird going through the scene on my GBA after having seen it a million times fully animated. I wonder where that one came from? Maybe it's from Final Mix.

 

Anyway, I'm on the 13th floor now Sora side!    I played two rooms and decided to call it a night.  I knew there was no way I'd be able to get through ALL of those rooms before my eyes closed shut.  If only I'd known my dog would have a rough night, I might have played longer.    *yawn* He's fine. He was just fussy last night.

 

I moved along to the next day with Joshua in The World Ends With You. I've been delaying finishing this game because I love it so much. I just fight battle after battle after battle. It's so much fun!    But I have other games waiting on the sidelines so I need to get busy with these. I can't justify buying new games until I finish ones I own.  Thank goodness for a 4 day weekend! Yes, I gave myself an extra day off but that's because I have several appointments that day and figured it would just be easier on me. 

 

Maybe the next blog will be saying I finished a game . . . yeah right!